Yummy Monday

Well I don’t have a blog post for you but I do have a sexy pic for you…

 

 

You’re welcome.

Like a Virgin

Let dive right into this shall we?

So I’m pretty new when it comes to dating and being with a woman. I never really had a “girlfriend” per say. I have talked and go out on dates with a few girls but that’s about it. You could say that  most girls I talk to don’t think I’m gay

College hasn’t really help me in my quest to find a steady girlfriend  like I thought it would.(For some odd reason I thought I would find great friends like on the L word and find a girlfriend like Shane, but without the emotional baggage).I go to a small woman’s college in the south, and even though it seems like we have a lot of gay’s there it’s still a small dating pool. Also add to the fact that  we live next to a small city that doesn’t have a lot of girls my age add to the problems.

So when  I do find a girl that I’m interested in AND who knows that I exist , I say “Wow, God doesn’t hate me after all.” Then after a week or so I change my mind about that.

You know how in the beginning of dating someone you start to slowly reveal more about yourself to the person so A) they can make sure that your not a crazy killer and B) to make sure you had similar interest.

It was the B part that seemed to hinder me all the time.

It’s all sunshine and roses until I told them that I wasn’t into  a wham bam thank you mam and when I hinted at being interested in a  dominant and submissive relationship.

And here I thought that college was a great time for experimenting..It’s not like I was opposed to one night stands.. it was just that I haven’t really had sex yet (in my opinion) and I just didn’t want to give it away to a one nightstand.

via pussylequeer

I’m  a Christian and one of the things that I have always believed when I was growing up was that I would save myself for marriage. But as I grew older and gayer I realized that I can’t hold that idea to of myself for marriage. Because 1) I can’t get married at the moment and 2) that I never really found a good reason to wait for marriage expect for the whole bride price thing going on.

I still want to get married, but I just don’t think that I will wait to make love till I’m  married. BUT if I do meet a woman who wants to wait till marriage I’m okay with that too. For me when that time comes it will be my decision, and I hope I make the right one.

Sometime that dosen’t really bother 20 % of the girls I talk to, they seem fine with it.But as soon as they hear the  word kink, they are out the door faster than a blink of an eye.

Now the kinky side of me is a recent develop. I’m  90% sure that I like pretty light bsdm and I’m just more interested in a sexually aggressive person.(Bu t I’m open to learning new things J) But when I hint to some of the women that I’m interested it hit they take it as a joke or they  go o a rant about how harmful that is to society and as a  woman I should be the most offended by that trash.

This pisses me off and makes me upset. It pisses me off  because how dare they make it seem like what I want is wrong or somehow dirty an it make me sad because it makes me feel like I’m a weirdo for voicing what I want.

I’m trying to find and talk to girls my age that have similar interest but it’s hard. Given that I’m super shy and have been known to dive into bushes if I don’t want to confront one of my crushes, it’s hard to meet girls. It’s also a harsh blow to your ego when you are continually blown off for being too new or too kinky.

Is it really that hard to find a decent woman who would shove me against the wall and kiss me breathless?

via pinktacolovers

I really didn’t think it would be this hard..

My Big Fat Gay Wedding

Hello my lovelys!

Have any of ya’ll  heard of the show on TLC call “Say yes to the dress”?

Its sooo awesome and I love every moment of that show. I love how the consultants try to reason with crazy families who want to take over the wedding and how there is always one bride that tries on a dress they can never afford then cries and whines about it!

But you know in the end most of them find a dress that they really love and everybody cries, happy that they found the perfect dress for their perfect day.

It’s so disgustingly sweet.

I just can’t wait to do that with the person I love.

When I was first was struggling with my sexuality. It never occurred to me that I would not get married. I was more worried with the how to’s of lesbian sex and  trying to see if there were any other queers in my school so we could do queer thing’s together.

But it never crossed my mind that there would be a law passed denying me that right.

Even when it passed in my state I never cried and became sad over it. I just always thought that it may take a while for people to stop acting like dicks, but that gay married would happen on a national level before I kicked the bucket. And you know what I still truly believe that.

I believe that I will walk down the aisle in a kick ass wedding dress and see the love of my life at the end smiling at me looking so cute in her tuxedo. I believe that we would have a wonderful ceremony declaring our love in front of God and all our family members.

I also believe if anyone tries to ruing this that I would go bridezilla on them and rip off their necks.

But sometimes when queers talk about marriage we tend to over analyzed everything.

We have to make a statement about everything about the wedding and turn it in to a political news story. Now I’m not talking about when we fight for our right to marry at the state and federal level work hard to try and secure that right for myself for purely selfish reasons.

No, I’m talking about that couple  who  just goes through the motions of planning a marriage just because they want to make a statement, and they don’t even like each other or believe in marriage!

I remember on the show that there was this lesbian couple that came in saying they were looking to wear a matching pantsuit for their wedding.

All I could think was as they were explain this was “Seriously?You are going to take this route?”

Now I am not hating on them for wanting to be conferrable, I mean I want to be (somewhat) confterbel on my wedding day but It seemed that they were…How do I say try be different just for the sake of politics.

One of the first things you do as a bride is look on the website to see some of the things that the bridal shop has, like good pantsuits. They didn’t do this. They didn’t even have a backup plan just in case the pantsuit didn’t work out!

They just did this to prove a point. If the really wanted a pantsuit, they could have done their research and talked to the people down in grooms section or they could have gone to Macys for a good pantsuit.(Because the one they had was not pretty…)

Luckily one of the sales people asked if one of the woman would try on a dress that was really simple and pretty  and everything worked out pretty well. They look like a happy couple on their wedding day, not like they were plagued with the common lesbian virus called the merge.

Via adorablelesbiancouples

You know what I’m talking about.

Haven’t you noticed that in every lesbian circle there is always that one couple who look like long lost twins?  They wear matching pants, shirts and hair? And you can’t remember which girl is Gina and which girl is Betty so you just smash their name together like BettyGina and only talk to them when they are together?

Thank you effeing dykes

Yeah

That’s the merge.

I have always felt that SOME of the   lesbians who do the merge are just doing that because they are “rebelling” against the hetreonormitive/patriarchy society because that’s what “good” lesbians are supposed to act like. But they are not being true to themselves and look miserable all the time. If you want to wear lavish dress or spiffy tuxedo a on your wedding day then fuck anyone who tells you  no.

And if you both want to wear(crappy) pantsuits go on ahead.

But DON’T let someone tell you how to have YOUR wedding just for political reasons.

As the great lesbian website Autostraddle say’s.

YOU DO YOU.

via leetaemon

I’m on the road!

Hey Guys!

Guess what!

I got my driver’s License!

 

Isn’t that great! Well I know most of ya’ll are like. “ WTF? How old are you?”

Well I’m 20 and I finally got my damn license.

 

 

 

There is a really good explanation for why I waited about 4 years to get my license and it’s mostly my parents fault.

No really it is! Let me tell you this sad tale of how my father nearly scared me out of driving.

When I entered high school I always thought that by 16 I would have my own car and be able to drive myself to school and the mall. And also have a nice space to make out with my future girlfriend.

Well ,what I didn’t plan on was my dad paranoia and how the cops wanted to scare the crap out of us poor high school students.

When I was a junior at High school the class was forced to go to this stupid talk with the police about driver safety. I thought they would talk about the usual stuff “Don’t drink and drive! Don’t text while driving and Blah Blah blah”

 

I ( and almost every teenager in attendance) knew this already and I felt it was kind of pointless to tell us again for the 100^th time already.

What I didn’t expect was for them try a new tactic by showing us crime scene of teens that were killed horribly in car accidents.

One girl was thrown out her car onto the street at 70 miles per hours, another girl drowned in two inches of water because she got stuck under her car in a ditch. On Fucking CHRITSMAS!

 

And one boy wrapped his car around a metal post right after he found out that he got accepted into brown university, and oh all his friends in the car died with him.

So two white girls and one black dude died in a horrible accident and we as a class had to watch the gory crime footage and to add insult injury they had a slide show of all the kids, all happy and alive…

That freaked me the fuck out.

That night I had multiple dreams of me dying in a really bad car accident..

I woke up the next day shaken and scared that I would drown under my fucking car, so I did what any 15 year old girl would do. Look for comforting words from my father.

 

I go  and tell him what’s going on and how I feel and you know what he says.

“Wow that not evens the bad ones! I saw this boy get burnt alive in his car!”I stared as my father tells me every gruesome detail of accidents that he has seen or has heard about.

Thanks Dad. Thanks a lot.

I go to my first day of drivers ed with the fear that I’m going to die as soon as I get into any car. And it all goes downhill from there.

I struggled not to freak out from driving and I barely made it through driver-ed and I receive my learners permit. Happy that I made it I told my dad about me taking the test next month.

You know quick and easy like a shot from the nurse.

He laughed and said no way, I’m not ready. I would die and the test is like super hard. So I put off the driving test until…next year. Next year comes and same thing. This goes on for 4 years until I come back abroad and my parents were like. “Haha we love you but you need to get a driver’s license so you can drop the kids off at summer camp.”

Ahh I so feel the love.

 

So I got go and take the divers test all prepared with knowledge how to do a 3 point u turn and parallel park! You know what we did? Four left turns. That’s it!

 

I could have done that in my sleep! I glare at my dad  as I grab my shiny new drivers license and reflect on the fact that I’m getting my license the same day the NY gets gay marriage.

I say that’s freaking awesome.

I’m a lazy bum

Hello people!I got back from London and made it safely back to U.S soil without being blown up or having snakes eat me!

Cheers! But when I got home my mom pulled a 180 on me. She went to “Oh Honey I missed you!” to a “If you don’t get a job I will kill you” in two seconds.

Ahh the love of a mother. Nothing like it.

But I totally understand the need for me to get a job this summer. This is my senior year and I have almost no money to my name.

I’m as broke as MC hammer.

I have no money for clothing, school or even an apt and that worries me. I mean I didn’t really think I would have to start worrying about this shit until my last year of Grad school.

Sadly my school has decided to screw me over by increasing tuition and also TAKE AWAY MOST OF MY FINANCIAL AID!!!I went to only paying for no more than 5,000 dollars tuion a year to freaking 17,000.

I don’t understand why they are doing this to me my final year but my parents and I can’t afford to pay for that. So I’m looking for scholarships and way for me to make money just so I can go to school. And let’s not forget about the Graduation Fees like my ring, robes, letters ECT.

So I’m really looking for almost any job I can find right now but most places are not hiring.

I haven’t got hired to any of the places I applied to and I put in about 30 job applications. Half have not contacted me yet and the other was like you are not what we are looking for, I mean I got rejected by Mc. Donald! Who get rejected by Mc. Donald’s!!

My parents are angry thinking that I haven’t been working hard to find a job, and I’m upset because I feel like a lazy bum not really doing anything productive in life.

I called some animal shelters and some gay rights organizations around home to see if I can volunteer and I also started getting some books so I can start studying for the GRE.

This is just so I can feel less like a bum and my parents won’t make little digs at me saying, “Well your sister got a job! Why can’t you?”

Umm because the places have all rejected me and most of the summer jobs are filled with high school teens with nothing better to do.

Uggh

Anyway. As my College life starts to come to an end, I and trying VERY hard to acknowledge the fact that I will soon have to go into the real world…

Shit.

A Royal “Gay” wedding

Well this has been an interesting (scary)month. My friend got into a horrible bike accident and was in the hospital for a while. The whole study abroad program freaked out because she was really touch and go at the hospital, I mean she was in a fucking coma for a few days. Also add to the fact that another girl died two semesters ago from a fucking scooter accident abroad sooo… yeah. When she got out of the hospital I thanked God , and I hovered around her like an annoying fly for the rest of  month making sure that she was alright and trying not to cry at the same time. Because she looked like she went  100 rounds with Mick Tysone and lost.Badly. Then stupid Finals came up and well let’s just say that I’ve been a busy girl… but now I’m back! And I’m ready to blab about some interesting event’s. Like the royal wedding..yeah guess what, my ass was there and I still didn’t see the fucking carriage. I didn’t even want to go out the house but my mother was practically begging me to get some pics and I just can’t say no to my mother..

So after I watch the wedding on T.V with bunny, our exchange girl from japan, I went out to get this damn picture. Guy’s I couldn’t believe the amount of people in the city, I felt like I was lost in a sea of crazy justin beber fan’s.( Who I kinda like…so don’t judge!)

I thought I if went to the lesser known routes that it wouldn’t be as bad.But it was all bad, that by the time the royal couple rode past all I could get was the sea of British flags.I briefly thought about I could wait outside of palace  to try and get another pic  of them kissing but I knew that would be a suicide mission.

So I  since I was already out I might as well pop in at soho and see if there was any parting going on there.(and also see if I can score a free drink of blue vodka..yum) And boy did they have a party.Gay flags everywhere and half  naked gay people all drinking and dancing.

(If any of you get the chance to go to London go to soho..it’s like the gayest place I have ever been and it made me soo happy.)

I was in heaven.

I decided to drift over to the lesbian bar and see if I can muster up the courage to talk to any cute girls or at least look cute enough to get them to come to me.They were having an outside  drinking/picnic party with a live DJ playing some pretty good tunes if I do say so myself.I bought some liquid courage and leaned against the brick wall trying my best to look cool and cool and mysterious.Cause you know chicks dig that kind of stuff.

After a while a few girls came up to me and apparently confused me with some other chick cause as soon as they saw my face the would say . “Oh hey! Opps sorry love! From behind you look like a girl I know…” I think the chick they confused me with was a big player cause the girls would be like baby you didn’t call! or had a great time last night” ect. ect. I started feeling a tad unconformable after the tenth time and it wasn’t helping that the older lesbians started getting rowdy and started to play a game of strip limbo.(I’m not quite sure what they were doing but every time they went under the  flags a piece of their clothing will  go away…)

So I decided to leave and see if another street parties was going on.Just as I leave the lesbian bar I get a message from a girl who I went on a day trip to Paris with(more on this later), she wants to go visit a gay club( because she is a newbie lesbian and I got the vibe she was sacred she would be molested by the big bad lesbians if she went anywhere by herself… girl pleease) and would I be so kind as to meet her at the tube station.

Now I already had a major minor issue with her because of the day trip to Paris.So even though I wanted to say Fuck you to her I decided well since there was beer involved maybe it won’t be so bad.As I go to the station I pass by all the gay bars with cute gay guy screaming out Brittney song lyrics and dancing wildly on the streets. Ahhh there is nothing  like a bunch of gay guys dancing in perfect sync to a Brittney song…:)

After getting my butt slapped from various gay men I arrived at the station to wait for this girl that I really didn’t care for at the moment.I mean I don’t hate her but we didn’t leave on the best terms after our trip in Paris.But I still felt that if she was trying to reach out and have fun then who am I to give up the chance at free beer?

So I waited.And waited .And waited for about an hour and a half. I started freaking out that she was lost or something  really bad happen so I called her with no answer.I briefly think of calling some other girls to see if they heard from her when I get the text.

“Hey sorry! I just decidedto go home and go to sleep.I’m really tired! I hope you have a good time!”

WTF!

Really you take time out of my day to wait for you and then you just bail like that?!

Okay. I am totally done with this girl and her crazy ass.No more! I’m stressed enough as it is!

I deiced to go back to my homestay and watch some glee with a nice bowl of beef ramen.

Just as I’m half way through Glee’s sectionals guess who text’s me.

“Hey wanna go out to the lesbian bar tonight?”

I look at the text and guys, I texted her “NO”. I wanted to text HELL NO, but I want to be nice…it was after all the day of the royal wedding.A day of peace and happiness and who was I to ruin that good feeling?

I hate this part right here

Sorry for the long delay between posts. Midterms were here and they kicked my lovely butt from here to Canada.

Any how….

So guys

One of the things that I promised myself when I went abroad was to be more…flirty with girls I like.

I had this brilliant idea that I would go and be like a lesbian siren to all the British bois.

But during this abroad trip have discovered something about myself.

I can’t flirt for my life.

Seriously.

I fail so hard at this It’s a wonder that anyone thinks I’m  gay.

For example when I see the girl I like coming towards me…I hide. I will hide behind a tree,a chair,  even a piece of paper.

Hell I even dove inside a bush just so the object of my desires wouldn’t think that I was stalking her or see  that I was covered in dust from working in the attic of our school library.(Okay I was more worried about being pegged as a crazy  lesbian stalker that anything else..)

Now don’t get it twisted.

I’m not really a shy person in general. I am picky about who I call friends ,but for the most part I go out to party and chat people up randomly if I feel like we have something in common.

I like to go to sports games and I’m pretty direct when I need to be BUT

I’m so awkward around girls I think are attractive it should be a fucking crime.

I stutter around them or I talk really fast.

Or the the worst.

I ignore them.

I ignore them like they have the fucking plague and I pretend that they are like ghost and I can’t see them.

If for for some strange reason the look at me I chat up the nearest person besides me and ignore the hell out of my secret crush.

As soon as they turn their heads though I stare at the back of their head trying to convey my naughty thoughts into their brian.

But as soon as they turn back to face me I turn my head to stare at the wall or look at my nails ignoring them all together.

Mentally I know this is bad behavior.

But I just can’t seem to stop this. I tried mantras.

I tried picturing them ugly hell I even tried practicing on my friends.

But nothing seems to work!

Why?

I know I give off the straight girl vibe most of the time when I’m  at gay clubs and not looking cute girls in the eye is not helping my case much.

But I don’t know what else to do.

Maybe I should just get a tattoo that says Lesbian on my arm and start carrying cards that say

“ Hello there . I am a 20 year old single femme who is looking for a boi that has a kinky streak in her. If interested please call me a 1-800-kinky femme.”

Because I don’t know what else to do to make it know I’m a bloody lesbian.

But whatever, maybe I’m just being snarky because I just want someone to cuddle with that isn’t my friend.

Okay, I actually want more than cuddling someone to grab me a kiss me senseless against the wall.

Then drags me to their car and have some nice kinky fun.

But since I’m so shy it’s difficult.

I want someone to come to me because that’s what I like, It makes my insides melt when I see a hot boi walking slowly towards me with that little swagger in her step knowing that I want her as much as she wants me.

But If I don’t show an interest why would she come to me?

Augggh

Now I’m feeling depressed.

I think I shall go watch some lovely sharman from the Lword, they always manage to cheer me up.